To Persevere
by HisBrokenAngel91
Summary: Inquisitor Alanna Sybyl Trevelyan is having trouble, with her life, her past, her future, everything. As the world crashes down around her, what's a girl to do? Who can she ultimately turn to? Join her on her journey to save everything and everyone she holds dear. Rated M, final pairing not yet decided, please hang in there with me. Sporadic updates.


A/N: I know I should be writing other things, don't really care, found this half finished chapter and I couldn't just let it sit there the way it was so I'm adding yet another story to my list of WIP's . hope you enjoy it, this is my first DAI story so, characterization may be completely off base, even having played through it as many times as I have, I don't yet have the characters down. This is kind of a rewrite and most of it, probably wont make sense, remember it's fan fiction and therefore by nature not really on base with the actual story.

Anyway hope you enjoy taking the journey of this story with me, please leave me a review if you so feel inclined.

Love,

The Broken

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Chapter One

Cullen Stanton Rutherford was at the end of his proverbial rope and he was quite sure that if he knew the meaning of the words he'd have given up by now. He'd have given up _ages_ ago, because that woman was going to send him to an early grave, he was sure of it. People often said that he must have the endless patience of a saint as he calmly took on the training of the endless men and women arriving in droves to their fortress at Skyhold, always willing to join their noble cause in whatever way they could. Yet as he stood at his window watching her ride in on her solid white mount followed closely by her three raucous companions, blonde hair plaited down her back and positively caked in blood and gore, the ends obviously singed, he didn't feel patient at all, straining to keep control reining in his temper.

Alanna Sybyl Trevelyan and her merry band of idiots had gone out to 'take care' of yet another High Dragon, the Commander couldn't be bothered to remember where at this time. He also couldn't fathom why, with all of the other problems that kept drawing her away throughout the days, she so willingly went to kill the majestic beasts. Sure they needed a strong, firm presence in the lands, but it was certainly no reason to go about poking Dragons. What made it all the worse was the hulking Qunari mercenary leader encouraging the reckless behavior. The Bull was always chomping at the bit to fight them, or well, anything really, "the bigger, the better." he always said.

Cullen briefly considered the possibility that he may just be jealous. His relationship with the beautiful blonde mage/archer was fairly new and he knew her company had a habit of inappropriately teasing her. She traveled so often, usually in the company of the massive horned warrior, Varric, and their newest ally a Tevinter mage who was, admittedly very attractive, named Dorian Pavus; and though it was common knowledge that the dwarf pined for a love lost, and the mage preferred the company of men, the Qunari was notorious for the impression he left on the serving girls of Skyhold. He was sure even Dorian occasionally slept with the odd one here and there. Of course he knew it was irrational to be jealous, he after all didn't really have a claim on the Inquisitor, thus far their burgeoning romance had advanced only as far as stolen, heated kisses upon the battlements whenever the could find a few seconds of uninterrupted peace, not for lack of trying of course.

No, no it wasn't just jealousy that had him fuming, he worried about her. Every time she left he wondered if he'd ever see her smiling face, feel her soft lips upon his again. How many times could a person get lucky after all? It was worse when she went off half cocked into deliberately, unnecessary, dangerous situations. Yet Maker forbid anyone tell her she needed to stop needlessly risking her neck with her reckless behavior. The woman was stubborn and simply refused to admit when she needed help.

When she dismounted at the stables he took note that, while she had her usual bright smile firmly in place as she lightly smacked the Tevinter on his chest, she was holding herself funny, favoring her left side. Then again he noticed everything about her, all the time. The way the sunset normally glinted off of her honey colored locks, the mountain breeze blowing the loose waves she kept them in when she wasn't going out on a mission around her. The way she always threw a fit when Vivienne or Josephine tried to get her to wear a dress, preferring her leather breeches and tight fitting tunics. She never quite acted like the noble he knew she was. Oh sure she could play the Game with the best of them, managing to secure nearly impossible alliances with whip quick wit and a smooth tongue. And she could weave a story better than Varric any day, though she tended to spend a lot of her time in silence, at least around him. Their relationship with one another seemed to be in an awkward stage still.

He turned away assured that, for now at least, Lady Trevelyan was safe. It was time for him to go have his talk with Cassandra, no matter how it ended. When he left his office he stopped a scout and told him to inform anyone who came looking for him that he had gone to speak to Seeker Pentaghast in the armoury. With that he went forward past the troops sparring in the arena they'd had set up in the courtyard to face the female warrior's ire.

"Have you seen the Commander anywhere?" Inquisitor Alanna Trevelyan asked the scout she found in the mans office when she stepped inside. She had just gotten away from the healers, having bathed and changed into her midnight blue leathers, the more formal looking of the scouting attire she preferred to wear, hair unbraided and loose as it swung around her figure as she glanced around the slightly untidy room, settling down to the small of her back when she refocused her emerald eyes back on the nervous young man standing before her. No matter how hard she tried she still managed to intimidate the majority of her subordinates, nearly everyone actually, except her companions and advisers.

"He said he was going to speak to Seeker Cassandra, I think they're in the armoury." The scout replied nervously before saluting her and adding a quick, "Your Worship."

"Oh, thank you." The Inquisitor allowed a soft smile to grace her face, "Carry on then." She nodded turning on her heel and heading out the door to the battlements and down the stairs near the tavern saying a quick "Hello" to Scout Harding as she passed the lovely ginger woman, strolling across the courtyard to the armoury on the opposite side. As she drew close to the building she heard the shouting and furrowed her brow. What could they possibly be discussing that could cause the two, very normally composed warriors to resort to raising their voices to one another.

"I expect you to keep your word! Its relentless. I can't..." She heard the Commander's voice through the door and suddenly knew exactly what the heated discussion was about.

Trevelyan silently opened the door and snuck into the building hiding in the shadows casting a quick glance around her and not finding the arguing duo. He head cocked to the side ears perking up as she heard Cassandra's heated yet soft toned reply above her. "You give yourself too little credit." And she heaved a sigh. Alanna ascended the stairs keeping to the shadows so she could observe the scene unfolding in front of her.

"If I'm unable to fulfill what vows I made, then nothing good has come of this!" Cullen replied turning on the Seeker anger glowing in his amber eyes, eyes she could remember flashing with desire every time they stole a moment alone with each other. This however was a side of him she'd never gotten to see, or appreciate up close. His assured, dominating, and commanding air caused her stomach to flutter, her mind momentarily wandered an inappropriate path, visions of him dominating her in his unfinished loft, her name falling like a prayer from his lips as he took her against the rough stone wall. His voice broke through her haze and her attention went back to the situation at hand. "Would you rather save face than admit-." He cut off when he caught sight of her standing there in the shadowed corner by the stairs, quickly masking his emotions only a hint of sadness escaping as he glanced back at Cassandra before slowly making his way past her whispering a soft, "Forgive me," and making his way out of the building. What was she meant to forgive him for? Alanna was confused.

"And people say I'm stubborn. This is ridiculous." She heard the seeker muttering as she made her way down to the forge. "I assume the Commander told you he's no longer taking his lyrium." The blonde looked cautiously at the woman she considered one of her friends.

"Yes and I respect his decision to do so." The inquisitor replied carefully observing the woman as she worked on her sword.

"As do I, but as it stands right now he isn't willing to listen to me." Cassandra sighed and dropped her elbows to her knees her head falling forward in what looked like defeat.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" She asked tentatively reaching a hand out to lightly grasp the woman's shoulder.

"He's asked me to find him a suitable replacement. He doesn't need it, it would break him, he's already made so much progress. Templars spend their lives a slave to their duty and their addiction, with someone always holding their lyrium leash." The sadness in the woman's voice hit her deep in her core as she sat there not actually seeing the flames of the forge in front of her. "But if anyone could convince him, it would be you. You may have been trying to hide it, but nothing eludes the spymaster for long. You are uniquely positioned for the task." Hope laced her voice as she stood facing the Inquisitor one last time before taking her own leave of the sweltering room.

The Inquisition's Commander was pacing restlessly behind his desk, his head pounding._ Maker damned Cassandra!_ He thought as his strides became more aggressive, he didn't even notice her opening the door until it was too late and he had let out an undignified roar of frustration throwing the box that held the reminder of his cursed past life at the wall. He barely managed to miss her head as she ducked away from the flying container, his eyes flew wide when they landed on her and mortification hit him like a ton of bricks. "Oh, Maker, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean, I just, what you must think of me." His apology stuttering out and he raised his hand to rub the back of his neck, an old habit that never died.

Alanna sighed shaking her head. "I can't exactly think anything different of you than I have all this time Cullen. It would very much turn me into a hypocrite and if there's a single good thing I can say for myself its that I am very much not a hypocrite." She rubbed a small hand down her face taking a slow deep breath to center her thoughts. "Sit Commander, I have a story to tell you." Perching on the edge of the chair across from him in a way she knew was both highly unladylike and mildly undignified she chewed on her lower lip watching him from under the long lashes framing her catlike eyes as he took his seat.

Cullen stared at her a single blonde brow raised. He saw the raise of tense shoulders as she heaved another sigh, elbows propped on her knees, small lightly callused hands folded between them. He rarely saw her this serious outside of the War Room, even when she was in battle she still joked around, so he allowed her the time to speak at her own pace.

Alanna hung her head in a way that her long hair tumbled over her shoulders to partially hide her face, what she was about to say, she didn't want him to be able to see the shame and pain in her face. Yet she maintained the ability to see him, she had to see, this could break whatever it was that they had budding between them. And she began, "Quite some years ago, when I was, well young, naïve, and even I can admit, reasonably stupid when it came to decisions about my life and how I should live it," another steadying breath. "I, I was rebellious, let's suffice it to say. My parents, don't get me wrong were loving and supportive of everything I ever endeavored to try. It was the societal norms I couldn't stand, never could, it wasn't as though I hadn't the patience for it, I just couldn't abide being told what and wasn't allowed for me to wear or do around company.

"I've always had an affinity for magic, or at least as far back as I can remember I have. I did everything right, for the longest time, I did everything, always hoping that they'd see, I was capable of the freedom of choosing for myself. I didn't want what they wanted for me. I left all those years ago, upset, foolish, and throwing a tantrum. I took everything of value I had, all my money and ran, I was in Ferelden staying in a room at a small inn, couldn't tell you where if you asked me, when I ran into a wandering mage. She took me under her wing, taught me, and incidentally introduced me to Lyrium, showed me what it could do for my magic.

I became addicted, to the feeling, the power it gave me. I won't lie, it wouldn't do any good if I did, and that's why its important, I craved, I loved that feeling. I took more and more, I knew it was making me sick, but I didn't care, in my mind I needed it. One night I took too much, it was the first time I remember having a nightmare, the things I saw, they terrified me, if she hasn't found me in my room on the floor, I'm certain I might have died. I don't know what she did, but when I came to, she told me, and I don't know why it affected me so badly, that she was disappointed. Then she was gone, my entire supply of lyrium gone with her. I was sick and struggling for weeks from the withdrawal, I wanted to go back to it so bad it physically hurt. I ended up chaining myself to the bed, I had to do it, not just for her, but for myself.

When it was over, I went home, my parents sent me back to the circle. I will not say I never looked back, because I did, I wondered many many times if just a bit would hurt, but deep down I knew the answer, yes, it would. And yes, I have used it recently, it was necessary, but always under supervision, and always heavily diluted. Just as its always kept under lock and key, where, I don't know. It isn't that I don't trust myself, I know it doesn't control me anymore, I just know that, temptation is best tucked out of sight."

He watched her as she looked up at him fully, flinging long gold tresses back over her shoulder catish emerald eyes locking on his own deep amber, "So, no Commander I cannot think less of you for this, I've been through it. All I can say is, in the end, the struggle to break free, its worth it, you'll be stronger for it. You aren't giving any less than you have been from the start. You don't need it, though it feels like you do, you control you, not it and certainly not the person who gave it to you for so many years. You just need to persevere."

When he said nothing Alanna stood and made to leave before he spoke. "Inquisitor, I'll, I'll continue on this path, but, I'll need time to process."

"Of course, until you need me then Commander." She nodded her head at him and swept from the room, out of the door that bridged to the keep proper, hands clasped behind her back and head hanging as the shame of her tainted past hung once more like an executioner's ax over head.

The Inquisitor opened the door and stepped into the main building eyes cast down hoping she looked lost in thought enough to make it to her quarters undisturbed by anyone else. She thought she'd made it when a soft voice from the center of the room met her ears. "Inquisitor, you seem troubled this afternoon. You got back not long ago, yes?"

She looked up to see Solas seated at his desk a look she could only think of as a cross between curiosity and worry in his eyes as he frowned at her. "Oh, well yes, near an hour ago or more but yes. I've just been talking to the Commander."

His silver eyes narrowed and his lips thinned, "Mmm, I heard that you and he have formed, quite a close relationship."

Alanna cleared her throat eyes darting down lips pursed and a frown formed on her brow, "Yes, well, most would think so, I'm not so sure of that anymore however." She sighed wearily, "If its quite alright, I'd rather not speak of it."

She turned to continue on her way but froze when she heard him utter his next few words. "You told him didn't you?" Her chest tightened and it felt harder to breathe, "What do you mean?" Silence followed her question for a seemingly endless moment before his voice, low, almost dark sounded from right behind her.

"Do not take me for a fool Inquisitor, you know I have been in your dreams. I met you there, more than once, I know what happened. You told him about your past with lyrium. You're trying to help him continue his fight against it?" He asked, though it wasn't really a question.

"Yes," she whispered in reply, still frozen, though this time from him being so unusually close to her, outside of a fight, almost intima- she cut off that train of thought not interested in pursuing where it was going.

"So, why are you worried?" His voice moved away and she relaxed, "Do you really think he'd be so stupid as to turn you away from a stupid mistake you made as a child?" He almost seemed to scoff at the thought. "He'd be insane to I know that much, you're powerful, graceful, and unique, you might even have what it takes to finally achieve real peace between everyone. But, I'm sure my opinion hardly matters and you need rest after your journey. Good evening, Inquisitor." He swept her a bow and resumed his returned a small smile and slipped out weaving through the shadows in the main hall and slipping into her room locking the door behind her.

Alanna climbed the stairs with a fluidity of movement that came with years of training and practice, ready to just fall onto her pillow filled bed. She knew it was extravagant but it was well worth it and she had the personal money to spare at the time. She jumped into the center of the massive curtained structure and closed her eyes. Oh Solas, may well be right, Cullen really may just need some time, to process, to face his demons, whatever. But, what if he was wrong? Her mother would laugh and call her fanciful if she ever tried to say it, at least this soon, and she wasn't really sure how it happened, but she thought she may very well love the man. Not to mention the reaction she'd had to Solas, there had been something there, almost an innate understanding of one another..._What's a girl to do?_

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A/N:

Thank you if you took the time to stop and read this, please leave a review I'd like to know what you think, if I should even bother to continue...etc. Happy Reading.

Love Always,

The Broken


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